Friday, May 20, 2011

What a far.

So, my Stepfather committed suicide in front of my mother on the 29th of April.
How's that for an opening line?
I don't know what was going on in his head. I feel bad for him for whatever personal hell he was going through to make him do that and for him to think that was his only option. He and my mother had been married for 23 years. So needless to say I had known him for most of my life and I loved the guy. I guess that it's true that we never really know a person as well as we think that we do. No matter how long you have been involved with them.
Suicide really is a very selfish act. I never really put much thought into that until now. Now that I have been directly affected by suicide that statement has really come home to roost.
To actually do the act is one thing, but to do it in front of someone is really taking that selfishness to a whole new level. I feel so very bad for my mom. She is 61 years old and for the rest of her life she is going to have to live with that vision. I wish that I could do something to take that away so she never has to think about it again but I can't. All that I can do is be there for her when she needs me.
Oh well, onward and upward right?
I'm not going to go on and on about it but for some reason writing it all out is kind of therapeutic. I also wish that I could see him one more time so I could knock his ass out for what he did to my mom.
Anyway, goodbye Dan. I loved you and I will miss you forever.
Enjoy the day everyone...and don't forget to hug your family.